How truthful does your memoir need to be?

How truthful does your memoir need to be? This is a question I get a lot.

At one extreme, there is the example of Margaret Jones who had all copies of her memoir recalled. However, she didn't just finesse the truth, she changed it completely. In her book Loving Consequences, she wrote about growing up in South Central Los Angeles and being part of a gang. However, in reality, she’s a white girl who was raised in the middle suburb of Sherman Oaks, a city best known for its shopping malls. 

This wasn't just finessing the truth, this was making it up from scratch. As long as you're not doing that, you're probably going to be okay. 

Most memoir writers take creative license 
In most cases, it’s not possible to remember everything that happened to you. And, in order to write a good book, you need to include details and dialogue. When memory fails, you need to do the best you can, even if you’re not writing word for word what actually happened.

Author Mary Karr loves to include extremely specific details, but I find it hard to believe that she actually remembers all of these things. I suspect that when she has a gap in her memory, she fills it in by using her best guess. 

Take a look at the first paragraph of The Liars’ Club. Do you think Mary Karr honestly remembered that the doctor was wearing yellow that day or that he usually wore a gray tie? 

“I was seven, and our family doctor knelt before me where I sat on a mattress on the bare floor. He wore a yellow golf shirt unbuttoned so that sprouts of hair showed in a V shape on his chest. I've never seen him in anything but a white starched shirt and a gray tie. The change unnerved me. He was pulling at the hem of my favorite nightcap - a pattern of Texas bluebonnets bunched into nosegays tied with ribbon against a field of nappy white cotton. I tucked my knees under it to make a tent. He could easily have yanked the thing over my head with one motion, but something made him gentle. “Show me the marks.” He said. “Come on now, I won't hurt you.” He had watery blue eyes behind thick glasses and a mustache that looked like a caterpillar.”

Does Mary Karr have an exceptional memory? Can she remember details that the rest of us can't? 

The answer is no. Just about all memoir writers take some creative license in their writing, and it’s okay to do this. A reader doesn't expect the same level of truth from a memoir as they do from the New York Times. 




Feel free to play with chronology
Playing with chronology can often be one of the nicest things you can do for your reader. Finessing the order of some events can make for a better story. 

For example, maybe I had a great phone conversation with my mother that I want to write about. However, let’s say that the actual call happened in 1997, but in my memoir I am writing about the events in 1993. In this case, I can insert that phone conversation into my book in a different time period and I don't feel like I'm being dishonest. 

Most memoir writers make similar changes. If you want to play with chronology in the interest of telling a better story, go for it. You're still recounting events that actually happened, but you're just changing the order a little bit.

Don’t stress over getting dialogue word for word
How do you quote other people in your memoir when you can’t quite remember the exact dialogue?

Newspaper reporters record conversations or use pen and paper. They are expected to write verbatim what was said.

With memoir, however, this isn’t possible. Chances are you didn’t walk around recording everyone’s dialogue when the events took place. The good news is that your reader doesn't expect you to write down conversations word for word. Instead, what you want to do is to write your best approximation. If you have some recollection of what was said, work with that as a starting point. Also, use the other information you know about your character to help you fill in the gaps. If you know how a character speaks and thinks, that can help you approximate the dialogue that probably occurred at the time.

Be very careful with historical facts
While you have a lot of license as a memoir writer, be careful when it comes to writing about historical events. You’ll lose credibility with your readers if you have presidential elections occurring in the month of October or if you write about the president being elected in 1977.  If you’re going to mention any event that can be looked up, I would do some research to make sure you get your facts right.

Admit to any digressions from the truth
It’s a good idea to let your reader know that you sometimes filled in the blanks when memory failed or that you changed the order of events. You do this by putting a short disclaimer in the front of your book. I’m sure you’ve seen this in other memoirs you’ve read. Doing this allows you to have a clean conscience and also lets you cover your tracks in the event that someone who is mentioned in the book questions your version of events.

In the end, don't stress. Your reader doesn't really care whether you were wearing a yellow shirt or a red shirt with pink flowers. What really matters is the emotional truth of your story. That is something you never want to compromise on. 


Wishing you lots of happy writing!