How to connect disconnected events

If you don’t understand structure, you’re not going to be able to write a good memoir. I can’t emphasize this enough. Structure in memoir is the way that you string your memories together so that you create a story. In fiction, this is called plot. ​

Reading a novel or a memoir should feel very much the same – plot works in a similar way in both genres. However, arriving at plot in memoir is a very different process. In fiction, you just make it up. With a memoir, you’re relying on memory. The danger there is that disconnected memories are the opposite of plot.

Basically, what you want to do is connect your memories in some way. Creating structure means turning disconnected events into a story.  

Here’s an example to help you better understand how to do this. Let’s say you want to write about the following: 

• My sister calls to tell me she's getting a divorce.
• My brother visits and informs me he's lost 80 pounds.
• My dog goes missing. 
• I take a trip to the Bahamas. 

Right now, these are just four disconnected events from your life. So how do you connect them in some way to tell a story? 

One way is to think of a concept that all four events might share. The first idea that comes to mind is “separation,” an idea that all four of these events have in common. Let me show you how I could take the concept of separation to help turn this into a story.

I might start the chapter by introducing the concept of separation in my life. 

I've always felt separate from my family members. However, when I am 44 years old, tragedy brings us closer, at least when it comes to my sister. My sister calls to tell me she is getting a divorce.

Then I would insert a scene of the phone call with my sister. By the way, we’re not actually writing out the entire chapter here. I’m just creating the summary version. Later I will write out the chapter in its entirely. I always suggest you figure out your structure before you get down to writing by the way! Back to the example…

So now let’s come back to the idea of separation again to get us into the next scene. This is just one way you could do this:

Over the next months, my sister and I have continuous phone calls. We speak in a way we haven’t since we were kids. The closeness makes me long for a relationship with my brother. So I invite myself over to his house. When I see my brother, I realize he's lost 80 pounds. All this time we’ve been distanced and here he has achieved a bigger separation, freeing himself from this weight that's held him down for most of his life. 

Are you kind of seeing where I’m going with this? I keep coming back to the idea of separation in a new way to connect what would otherwise be disconnected memories. Okay, let me finish off the chapter:

In the midst of all of this, my dog goes missing. Suddenly, I'm separated from the companion who's been with me for eight years. In order to recover from this loss, I decide to escape to the Bahamas and take a break from my daily routine, a separation from my day-to-day existence.

Take an idea and use it time and time again in your chapter to show your reader how disconnected events aren’t as unrelated as they first seemed. This is the key to turning memories into a story.